Things are on hold. Hilary emailed me and said the couple feels emotionally drained since their last surrogacy didn't work out. I told her I understand. I think this weekend was emotionally draining for everyone, being the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and all. So for this couple, living in NYC, already discouraged about not being able to have a baby, I can definitely sympathize with them.
I told Hilary if she speaks to them to let them know I've been thinking about them and what all they already gone through. I was feeling alot of pressure this weekend worried maybe I couldn't physically do this for them, worried I might be the one that totally makes them think this isn't in the cards for them. I just want them to be as excited about all this as I am.
Hilary told me she would wait and see what George and Lisa want to do but if another couple comes along she would go ahead and match me up with them. I'm taking time to get into shape for whoever I end up being a surrogate for.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
The First Steps
Surrogacy is obviously something I know very little about. So I started where all people go to learn about topics. Google. I quickly learned that Oklahoma doesn't really do much with surrogacy. I think its just the whole Bible Belt thing. There was a lot of information on it but I didn't know what was legit or just a random post. This is obviously something I took seriously and wanted to know how to be a part of it all.
I sent an email to my friend on Facebook who was in the middle of her 3rd surrogacy. She gave me a link to a website where couples looking for surrogates posted ads and surrogates posted ads. It gave me a starting point and some idea of what all was involved.
I filled out a few applications and my biggest concern was my weight and BMI. I know I'm a little overweight but I also know thats something I can fix so its not a showstopper. By now I really felt pretty certain I was going to do this and felt a tug at my heart I was supposed to do it..
I got one reply back and I was told I was denied because I was still breastfeeding. OK, well, I'm not ready to give that up quite yet but I'm not giving up either. Then in March 2011 I was contacted by Hilary Neiman. She is a lawyer in Maryland and from what I can tell from the website of The National Surrogacy and Adoption Center she specializes in international and family law. This firm works with couples in America and other countries.
I filled out another application for her and within a few weeks she paired me up with a couple from China. I filled out another application for them and it was kinda cool cause there was Chinese writing for the questions. I thought it was kinda neat. They had been working with a clinic in Chicago and for a while it looked like I would go to Chicago but it never panned out. They asked for a few pics of me and Skye and really never heard much else.
Then in July Hilary said she found another IP (intended parent-the new vocabulary alone can be overwhelming.) He lived in Turkey and the clinic was in Cyprus. I got pretty excited about the idea of traveling to Cyprus. I knew with Skye and international travel it would be kind of a hassle but I was totally willing to do it for this man. A couple weeks passed and again, nothing.
I emailed Hilary and asked if this was normal. She said sometimes the IPs just get cold feet too. I can understand that. I just was hoping for this to work in my time table but I've quickly learned, that aint gonna happen!! lol
I got a voicemail last night from Hilary asking me if I got her email and there is a couple interested in me. She has never called me before so I'm feeling pretty positive that this time it will actually happen, or atleast it will go a little further in the process. I had set up an email rule for her emails to go directly into a personal folder and sometimes I forgot to check the folder so I overlooked her email about a couple in NYC trying to have a baby but haven't been able to. The fertility clinic is in Laguna, California. Not exactly Cyprus, but also a lot less of a hassle.
I spoke to Hilary on the phone and she told me a bit about the couple, George and Lisa Lee. They are an Asian-American couple who have been trying to have a baby and even have had one failed surrogacy already. Hilary told me to call the clinic in CA to set up a phone conversation. Some medical tests will need to be done here in Oklahoma and then if all goes well I should be in Laguna for the transfer sometime in November/December. I think my heart will just bust open for this couple if thier second surrogacy doesn't work either.
I'm so excited. I've been so excited this whole time at just the idea of this all happening. I'm not gonna lie, the money involved will be nice but it really isn't even hardly a factor at all. I just cant imagine wanting to be a parenting and not being able to. It doesn't make since to me that my uterus is perfectly healthy and able to carry a life and I dont even want to use it. I'm having monthly periods for no reason at all now. I could totally put my uterus to good use and help someone out. Spelling it out like that might land me on Anderson Cooper's Ridiculist, but thats just sorta how I feel.
So thats sorta been the process from Jan of this year up till now. Next step is all the medical test/evals. Once I get through those I'll let you know how it all goes. I hope they show I'm healthy enough to do this. I feel healthy enough but keep your fingers crossed for me and for this couple and hopefully for their new baby =)) !
I sent an email to my friend on Facebook who was in the middle of her 3rd surrogacy. She gave me a link to a website where couples looking for surrogates posted ads and surrogates posted ads. It gave me a starting point and some idea of what all was involved.
I filled out a few applications and my biggest concern was my weight and BMI. I know I'm a little overweight but I also know thats something I can fix so its not a showstopper. By now I really felt pretty certain I was going to do this and felt a tug at my heart I was supposed to do it..
I got one reply back and I was told I was denied because I was still breastfeeding. OK, well, I'm not ready to give that up quite yet but I'm not giving up either. Then in March 2011 I was contacted by Hilary Neiman. She is a lawyer in Maryland and from what I can tell from the website of The National Surrogacy and Adoption Center she specializes in international and family law. This firm works with couples in America and other countries.
I filled out another application for her and within a few weeks she paired me up with a couple from China. I filled out another application for them and it was kinda cool cause there was Chinese writing for the questions. I thought it was kinda neat. They had been working with a clinic in Chicago and for a while it looked like I would go to Chicago but it never panned out. They asked for a few pics of me and Skye and really never heard much else.
Then in July Hilary said she found another IP (intended parent-the new vocabulary alone can be overwhelming.) He lived in Turkey and the clinic was in Cyprus. I got pretty excited about the idea of traveling to Cyprus. I knew with Skye and international travel it would be kind of a hassle but I was totally willing to do it for this man. A couple weeks passed and again, nothing.
I emailed Hilary and asked if this was normal. She said sometimes the IPs just get cold feet too. I can understand that. I just was hoping for this to work in my time table but I've quickly learned, that aint gonna happen!! lol
I got a voicemail last night from Hilary asking me if I got her email and there is a couple interested in me. She has never called me before so I'm feeling pretty positive that this time it will actually happen, or atleast it will go a little further in the process. I had set up an email rule for her emails to go directly into a personal folder and sometimes I forgot to check the folder so I overlooked her email about a couple in NYC trying to have a baby but haven't been able to. The fertility clinic is in Laguna, California. Not exactly Cyprus, but also a lot less of a hassle.
I spoke to Hilary on the phone and she told me a bit about the couple, George and Lisa Lee. They are an Asian-American couple who have been trying to have a baby and even have had one failed surrogacy already. Hilary told me to call the clinic in CA to set up a phone conversation. Some medical tests will need to be done here in Oklahoma and then if all goes well I should be in Laguna for the transfer sometime in November/December. I think my heart will just bust open for this couple if thier second surrogacy doesn't work either.
I'm so excited. I've been so excited this whole time at just the idea of this all happening. I'm not gonna lie, the money involved will be nice but it really isn't even hardly a factor at all. I just cant imagine wanting to be a parenting and not being able to. It doesn't make since to me that my uterus is perfectly healthy and able to carry a life and I dont even want to use it. I'm having monthly periods for no reason at all now. I could totally put my uterus to good use and help someone out. Spelling it out like that might land me on Anderson Cooper's Ridiculist, but thats just sorta how I feel.
So thats sorta been the process from Jan of this year up till now. Next step is all the medical test/evals. Once I get through those I'll let you know how it all goes. I hope they show I'm healthy enough to do this. I feel healthy enough but keep your fingers crossed for me and for this couple and hopefully for their new baby =)) !
My View on Surrogacy
I just wanted to start a blog dedicated to surrogacy cause I think this is going to be a big part of my life for a while. Some people might think this is a little too far out there or might not support the idea of surrogacy, but I find the whole idea of it quite miraculous and generous. Its a pure gift of love and I'm so excited about deciding to do this.
The first time it ever crossed my mind was watching Phoebe on Friends having her brother's triplets. The show really made the whole idea of it so cute. I never thought something like that would happen to me though.
Many of my friends started having babies in their 20s. I waited quite a while till I knew I could support a baby and give her the life she deserves. But I craved the idea of being a mom and everything that went along with it. I was so curious about what it must be like to be pregnant and to know a human life is actually forming and growing inside of you. A little heart, a little hand, a little liver, fingernails, eyelashes...amazing. I wanted to know what it felt like to get kicked from the inside out and to feel her hick-up and roll around. I even wanted to know what labor felt like. Something no man will ever have the joy or privilege of experiencing.
I waited about 10 years longer than many of my friends and when I finally was pregnant I was ecstatic! I swore I would not once complain about backaches or stretchmarks or morning sickness or baby in an uncomfortable position. I just wanted to enjoy the whole experience and really take it in.
I had a relatively smooth pregnancy. Little bit of morning sickness, hardly any stretch marks, I hardly even showed. Towards the end my doctor was worried about my blood pressure and pre-eclampsia but it all worked out fine. I did form some kidney stones in my 3rd trimester but I kinda dont relate those to the pregnancy. It may have been my change in diet or hormones but it wasn't hurting Skye, besides me being possibly dehydrated, so I just dont count the kidney issues as issues. And all those questions and curiosities I had got answered. It was amazing to feel that little creature in me moving around. I loved all the attention I got and people rubbing my belly like a little buhda. I loved the freedom of being fat and wearing comfy maternity clothes. I totally rocked the whole "maternity glow" thing!!
I loved it. And I love having a daughter. I loved having a preemie, having a newborn, having an infant, having a toddler, and look forward to the school age years, tweens, teens and so on. Being a parent is the best thing ever and the hardest. I dont need to double the difficulty by having two kids. I no longer need to know what its like to give everything you have when you think theres nothing left to give cause you are so tired. I dont need the poopy diapers or the tiredness or lugging around an infant carseat carrier. When it comes to raising Skye, I've enjoyed all those things, I dont need to relive them and I look forward to discovering what it means to be a parent of a 3 year old, 4 yr old, 10 yr old, 16 yr old...Im totally looking forward to those days but it makes me sad to think I'll never be pregnant again. To be pregnant again meant to be a parent again and I just dont want to take any attention away from Skye. She deserves 100% of me. I dont want to have to worry about 2 kids being sick, or driving 2 kids to after school activities, or conflicts of schedule or "I wanna watch Dora" vs "I wanna watch Mickey Mouse", "I want Taco Bell" vs "I want McDonalds." I just want to love on Skye.
Im friends with my doctor that delivered Skye on Facebook and saw she and her husband were expecting via surrogate. I didn't realize she was having fertility issues. How sick is that?? Heres is this amazing OB/GYN doctor whose life's work is dedicated to delivering babies and she cant have her own. I cant imagine delivering baby after baby and each time wishing you were the one having the baby. My heart totally went out to her and her husband and I was so happy for them once they got pregnant. A series of events also led me to be friends with their GC and she has really made me realize that being a surrogate isn't such a far fetched idea and could be something I'd be able to do.
How cool is that? I could be pregnant again and not have to raise the baby. I know soooo many couples who try so hard and have so many disappointments a long the way who so deserve to be parents. You just know they'd be awesome at it and some kid is really missing out. I hold Skye and thank God every night she is in my life and my life is what it is today because of her. My life has meaning like never before and nobody should be denied that just cause of fertility issues.
The miracles of modern medicine are, lets face it, endless. Its like back in biblical days God knew He had to be the one directly performing the miracles cause this type of technology didn't exist back then. But He knew there'd come a day He could let us make our own miracles. Everything from Lasic, to organ donation to surrogacy. I feel He gave us the minds to create machines that make miracles happen and once He blessed off on them- it was up to us to be open-minded enough to take advantage of them. And to be part of that miracle for someone else...well, I'm honored.
I'm honored God chose me to be a parent and I'm honored this couple chose me to make them parents. I cant wait to see where all this takes me.
The first time it ever crossed my mind was watching Phoebe on Friends having her brother's triplets. The show really made the whole idea of it so cute. I never thought something like that would happen to me though.
Many of my friends started having babies in their 20s. I waited quite a while till I knew I could support a baby and give her the life she deserves. But I craved the idea of being a mom and everything that went along with it. I was so curious about what it must be like to be pregnant and to know a human life is actually forming and growing inside of you. A little heart, a little hand, a little liver, fingernails, eyelashes...amazing. I wanted to know what it felt like to get kicked from the inside out and to feel her hick-up and roll around. I even wanted to know what labor felt like. Something no man will ever have the joy or privilege of experiencing.
I waited about 10 years longer than many of my friends and when I finally was pregnant I was ecstatic! I swore I would not once complain about backaches or stretchmarks or morning sickness or baby in an uncomfortable position. I just wanted to enjoy the whole experience and really take it in.
I had a relatively smooth pregnancy. Little bit of morning sickness, hardly any stretch marks, I hardly even showed. Towards the end my doctor was worried about my blood pressure and pre-eclampsia but it all worked out fine. I did form some kidney stones in my 3rd trimester but I kinda dont relate those to the pregnancy. It may have been my change in diet or hormones but it wasn't hurting Skye, besides me being possibly dehydrated, so I just dont count the kidney issues as issues. And all those questions and curiosities I had got answered. It was amazing to feel that little creature in me moving around. I loved all the attention I got and people rubbing my belly like a little buhda. I loved the freedom of being fat and wearing comfy maternity clothes. I totally rocked the whole "maternity glow" thing!!
I loved it. And I love having a daughter. I loved having a preemie, having a newborn, having an infant, having a toddler, and look forward to the school age years, tweens, teens and so on. Being a parent is the best thing ever and the hardest. I dont need to double the difficulty by having two kids. I no longer need to know what its like to give everything you have when you think theres nothing left to give cause you are so tired. I dont need the poopy diapers or the tiredness or lugging around an infant carseat carrier. When it comes to raising Skye, I've enjoyed all those things, I dont need to relive them and I look forward to discovering what it means to be a parent of a 3 year old, 4 yr old, 10 yr old, 16 yr old...Im totally looking forward to those days but it makes me sad to think I'll never be pregnant again. To be pregnant again meant to be a parent again and I just dont want to take any attention away from Skye. She deserves 100% of me. I dont want to have to worry about 2 kids being sick, or driving 2 kids to after school activities, or conflicts of schedule or "I wanna watch Dora" vs "I wanna watch Mickey Mouse", "I want Taco Bell" vs "I want McDonalds." I just want to love on Skye.
Im friends with my doctor that delivered Skye on Facebook and saw she and her husband were expecting via surrogate. I didn't realize she was having fertility issues. How sick is that?? Heres is this amazing OB/GYN doctor whose life's work is dedicated to delivering babies and she cant have her own. I cant imagine delivering baby after baby and each time wishing you were the one having the baby. My heart totally went out to her and her husband and I was so happy for them once they got pregnant. A series of events also led me to be friends with their GC and she has really made me realize that being a surrogate isn't such a far fetched idea and could be something I'd be able to do.
How cool is that? I could be pregnant again and not have to raise the baby. I know soooo many couples who try so hard and have so many disappointments a long the way who so deserve to be parents. You just know they'd be awesome at it and some kid is really missing out. I hold Skye and thank God every night she is in my life and my life is what it is today because of her. My life has meaning like never before and nobody should be denied that just cause of fertility issues.
The miracles of modern medicine are, lets face it, endless. Its like back in biblical days God knew He had to be the one directly performing the miracles cause this type of technology didn't exist back then. But He knew there'd come a day He could let us make our own miracles. Everything from Lasic, to organ donation to surrogacy. I feel He gave us the minds to create machines that make miracles happen and once He blessed off on them- it was up to us to be open-minded enough to take advantage of them. And to be part of that miracle for someone else...well, I'm honored.
I'm honored God chose me to be a parent and I'm honored this couple chose me to make them parents. I cant wait to see where all this takes me.
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